What I've learned about marriage - working as an escort

Contrary to my current lifestyle, I do believe in monogamy and happy marriages.  I can’t say if I want to marry eventually or not, but I am leaving that option open.  Although I’ve never been married, I’ve gotten to know a lot of married people and learned a hell of a lot about their problems. Yet, if both partners want to make it work, I think they can make their fairy tale come true. It definitely takes hard work, patience and communication - which takes effort, but is not unreasonable or impossible. Honestly, from what I’ve seen in life so far, I’m amazed and saddened that so many people don’t make the effort to make their marriage work.  Do vows mean nothing? 

I believe the 3 biggest problems for a marriage are: 

1. lack of communication 
2. lack of effort 
3. assumptions made and left unspoken  

Why am I writing about this? Or even noticed this?  

Its because my job, my role in society, exists primarily because of these things.  A large number of my clients are men who are not fully satisfied in their relationships.  I truly believe men would not cheat (as much) if wives did more to please husbands sexually.  Yes, I wrote the right. The topic of this blog is how unfair it is for wives to withhold (reasonable) sex from their husbands. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she has to turn into a porn star, anal freak, or nympho - there is a line that must be respected.  However, using that same reasoning, she has to keep up her end of the matrimonial bargain (assuming she is healthy and capable of course).  I feel its wrong to ask a man to commit to you (one woman), and you alone, for ever and ever, ‘til death do you part, and then reduce/stop sexual activity over time or start using it as a weapon. Its not fair.    

This is where the issues of communication and assumptions come up.  Rarely do couples discuss their sexual expectations of each other before they wed.  They just assume - and this is a killer assumption.  Before couples get married they really need to discuss what they expect of each other - in an extremely blunt nature - if they are going to know how compatible they are in the long term and in different situations.   It’ll save a lot of heartache down the road.   But most people are not realistic or pragmatic enough to do this.  Its the same reason most people end up obese, diabetic and/or buried in debt.  But that’s another blog, I just couldn’t resist the jab, its a topic that really irks me.  I digress...

My clients are not newly wed men.  My typical client is 35-65 years old, and his partner has basically lost interest in fucking him.  She’s no longer holding up her end of an unspoken and assumed task in their relationship, and, as a result of this he’s come to me.  While I would never wish ill on a relationship, its the reason my role exists and it pays my bills.  It is what it is. 

Just for fun, as we all want to hear about a sex scandal, here are some examples of what my clients ask me to help them with.  All anonymous.  

A fantasy of one of my clients is to simply drink a beer while getting a BJ.  While his wife still performs the basics for him, she feels insulted by the beer drinking aspect and refuses to fulfill this fantasy for him.  I think this is absolutely ridiculous because it is so simple to oblige.  However, she refuses anything that is not ‘vanilla’ and thus he comes to me.  Thanks hon, I guess.  What can I say?  I only know one side of the story obviously. 

Another client of mine starting coming to see me when his wife stopped having sex with him after the birth of their child.  He waited until she was recovered, of course, but its been 2 yrs since she had sex with him.  She just shut down, no explanation offered.  I don’t think its fair for a married man to be denied ‘reasonable requests’ for sexual satisfaction from his healthy wife.   Her frigidity drove him to me. 

Here’s one more situation which is a little more complicated. I’ve always said that if the wife is healthy and capable of performing then its unfair of her to deny a reasonable request of sex from her husband.  It gets complicated when she’s sick.  If she’s too ill to perform, and you swore a vow to stick with her in times of sickness and health, then her husband isn’t being unfairly treated by his wife and its not really fair to cheat on her.  But, as we’ve all learned by now, there are many avenues for sexual satisfaction.  If her pussy is out of commission, can she still use her mouth, breasts and hands?  Is providing oral still an option? 

One client of mine is in a committed relationship, but his wife has a health issue ‘below the belt’ which prevents her from having sexual intercourse.  She has rejected all sexual activity, even oral, which she is quite capable of.  Of course, I don’t know all the dynamics of their relationship, and never met her, but I just don’t think its fair to demand monogamy from a man when she refuses BJs and even HJs.  Sure, its complicated, but come on, that’s just plain selfish.  (I sincerely hope her health improves in the future.  I might sound mean right now, but I wish her no ill. I believe in karma and )

Wether its marriage by wedding or common law, a husband and wife are a team, are partners.  They help each other, consider each others needs and do what they can for each other.  Otherwise, its not a respectful equal relationship and is doomed to fail.  The  sexual expectations should be discussed (because that’s going to be different for each couple).  Compare it to a work contract - would you take a job without knowing your duties, hours and salary? Of course not.  Marriage is even more important than a job, but most wed blindly and vaguely. 

If I ever get married, I realize that there is a minimum level of sexual activity I fairly need to live up to, for the entirety of the marriage.  If I expect monogamy, to be the only woman in his life that he can be intimate with, then I have to provide for his needs.   

Wives who unreasonably deny their husbands are cruel bitches.  Its blunt but true.  Don’t marry a man if you can’t deal with this. Let me be clear, sexual assault is never ever justified, and someone should never force sex on another person.  That’s unacceptable.  But if you marry someone be fair to them.  That’s all I’m saying.  That’s the point of this blog. 

I wish I could say what exactly ‘fair’ and ‘reasonable requests for sex - both in terms of frequency and fantasy’ are but those are relative terms.  They will range greatly due to cultural/religious/personal beliefs. Hence, why I stress the need to be discussed by both partners before committing.  

Most prostitutes are not bad people.  We’re misjudged.  I’m an incredibly kind and compassionate person.  I let my clients come to me, they instigate and initiate when they are ready. I am not a home-wrecker, their problems existed long before they ever met me. 

I’m not just a sexual release, I’m also a therapist, a confidant and an actress.  I’m a safe and discrete source for them to satisfy their unmet needs in a supportive, compassionate environment.   Its astounding how much guilt and shame people feel about their sexual fantasies.  I experienced this feeling as catholic guilt before I learned to love and accept myself.  While not all of my clients need such compassion, many of them do. 

There are a few finals points I wanted to make before I can wrap up this entry.  As an escort I’ve learned that one of the main reasons marriages fail is because wives do not keep up their end of the bargain. I wish this was discussed more openly and honestly, without judgement.  I’d like to discuss this with women, I’ve heard their husbands thoughts. I doubt that many women will read my blog though.  

This is only one marital issue. Since I’ve been throwing around the word ‘fair’ this whole blog, I feel compelled to make this brief but necessary endnote. I am not blaming women for all failed marriages.  There are many women who happily and regularly fuck their husbands but have not secured wedded bliss.  Men are not without blame.  On the other side of the coin, husbands can erode their marriages overtime if they become lazy, unsupportive and unhealthy (placing unfair and completely preventable burdens on their family such as diabetes, obesity, heart disease, etc.).  This too is unfair behavior by a partner.  But I’m saving this for another blog.  

I’m not attacking men or women here. Or the institution of marriage.  Or the necessity of prostitutes in society. I’m neutral on this topic. Seriously.  I’m just sharing some of the things I’ve noticed from my unique perspective.  Take it for what it is... the thoughts of a bipolar scorpio woman.   

Maybe it will help us be better partners.  

Maybe it will help people understand a certain role of prostitution.     

Maybe it will briefly entertain you.

Dare I wish all of the above.  

Thanks for reading.