Unexpected Adaptations

Working as an escort has affected many aspects of my life. Some of these I’ve anticipated and prepared for, but there are others that have taken me by surprise.  Going into this line of work I knew that I would have to make lots of excuses about my work schedule and social commitments, however, there were a couple small things that have actually induced unexpected behavioural adaptations I’ve noticed about myself that have come as a surprise.  While I still consider myself a normal young woman - one who frets over jeans shopping and visits with her family each holiday weekend - I’ve undeniably changed, albeit subtlety, in several ways. Same, same but different, as they say.  

I’m writing this blog mainly to sort out my thoughts on this issue (writing helps me think) but also to let you have a peak inside a mind that this just a little bit off the beaten track (if you care to look).  There’s more going on in my mind than nightmares.  

Specifically, I’ve noticed that two of the most mundane and routine occurrences in life have been significantly altered, so much that I’ve changed my normal reactions to them. They are:

1. Unexpected knocks on my door
2. Where I fall asleep at night

I see clients by appointment only.  Naturally I like to look my best when I entertain guests. However, once someone visits my incall location they know my address and suite number.  If they slip in the front door on the condo behind someone else there is nothing preventing them from ending up at my door in the future.  I can’t stand the thought of this. I’m always double checking the lock on my door, and if someone unexpectedly knocks on my door I never know what to expect and I experience both annoyance and anxiousness. Is it a rogue client? concierge? elections Canada? a friend?  Each person requires a different head space, outfit & make-up, level of apt tidiness, and so forth, you get the picture. 

Years ago if someone knocked on my door unexpectedly, or even early for that matter, it wasn’t a big deal to me, but after escorting for a couple years my reaction has changed to this simple ordinary part of life.  I now ask & expect everybody to let me know in advance when they’re coming by, and to call/text me when they’re on their way.  I don’t like to be surprised.  It really bothers me now more than ever.  This can be viewed from two viewpoints of course.  Its a positive trait that I always want to make a good impression, but maybe negative that I worry about trouble dropping by. 

The second behavioural modification I’ve noticed is that I rarely sleep in my bed anymore.  I almost always fall asleep on my couch/futon every night now that I’ve become a full time escort.  I think there are 3 reasons for this.

  

The main reason by far, is that since I use the bed for work I need it to be presentable.  The sheets always need to be clean, unwrinkled and tidy.  The duvet is unnecessary, thus tucked away, folded neatly under the bed, not on top where normal people keep theirs. After I’ve made my bed to my liking I don’t like ruining how it looks - the pillows fluffed, bed-sheets tucked taunt, free of drool stains and wrinkles; fresh, clean and inviting. So I’ve found myself night after night falling asleep on the couch cuddled with my fleece blanket, rather then enduring the hassle of making it all over again.

I never realized that I’d changed my sleeping habits so drastically until the time I had a house guest stay at my condo for a few days.  Despite my insistence, she demanded that I sleep in my own bed. Ironically, she felt the couch would be uncomfortable for me. She didn’t want to inconvenience me.  It was easier not to argue the matter, so I slept soundly yet oddly in my own bed those 3 nights.  It felt so strange to have a full nights sleep in my own bed again. For several nights in a row no less.  Thinking about it then, I realized in the past year I’ve probably sleep a total of 2 weeks in my bed proper, and the rest of the year, 50 weeks, sleeping on the futon-couch.  It completely snuck up on me how I’d changed my sleeping habits.  The little things are always harder to notice.  Like gaining weight or growing out your hair. You need someone else to help you see what’s right in front of you.  

When I moved into my new condo I invested in a nice futon/couch. Its my most expensive piece of furniture and well worth it.  I wonder if Sealy or Serta make higher end mattresses for futons? I would definitely be interested in that!  I spend so much time on it.   I never realized these things when I bought it, but it makes sense to me now.  

Another reason I found myself sleeping on the couch/futon instead of my bed was due to the reaction of a guy I used to date.  He knew I was an escort and was OK with that.  He’d sleep with me, but he never wanted to sleep in the bed that I used for work.  Even if I laid fresh sheets down, still warm from the dryer, he had a mental barrier that could not be torn down.  Whenever he spent the night he insisted on sleeping on the futon.  I didn’t care either way which place I slept, but I was surprised that he cared so much (quite adamantly in fact).  His reaction, no, more accurately, the reasoning behind his reaction I discovered, was quite different from mine.  I didn’t sleep in my bed because of laziness (there’s some irony for you), simply put I just didn’t want to make it up again. While I viewed it as an inconvenience, he viewed the bed as tainted.  I find it odd he only felt that way about the master-bed, not its owner.  He respected me and never made me feel tainted for escorting (it was a nice relationship while it lasted).  I guess I don’t understand why the bed was a problem and not me - why was there a difference? Maybe when I see him sometime in the future I’ll ask him.  Its an odd thing to ask a person though when you think about it. Funny the things that go through ones head. I suppose painting and erasing some mental images are easier than others. I don’t know.   

When I watch the TV series ‘Secret Diary of a Call-Girl’ I find myself wondering if Hannah (aka Belle) really went to sleep each night in her big fluffy white bed like they showed on TV, or if the writers had invoked their creative license assuming it would it be more viewer friendly.  Her character more relatable to the average viewer.  Do most escorts sleep on their couches rather than their beds? Or was this just something I did?  No doubt I’m a little odd.  I don’t socialize with other escorts often so I’ve never had the chance to notice.  Maybe someone out there can fill me in. 

I don’t think I’ll sleep the rest of my life on a couch though. No need to worry about that. I expect that when I retire from escorting I’ll easily return to sleeping in my big brass bed again. Ideally queen sized (double is a little too small to share, but a king creates too much space between partners in my opinion, reducing cuddling time).  This is a temporary habit, a reflection of current lifestyle, an adaptation that is reversible.  There’s no doubt in my mind a time will come again (upon retirement I expect) when I’ll have a hard time crawling out of my bed, just like my high school days.  From what I recall of those, it was a very difficult habit to give up and one I think I could easily fall back into!  

I’m sure you’ve noticed at some point its much easier to get up from the couch in the morning than it is from the bed.  And that’s another reason I think I’ve gotten into the habit of sleeping on the couch - its much easier to jump up when the phone rings.  Yet another symptom of lifestyle. I’m sure other small business owners understand this.  I have no secretary to take those calls for me. 

We prep for the big things we can see coming, but really its the little things that are nearly impossible to anticipate, no matter how well we plan, that typically impact a persons life the most. I find it fascinating how these 2 simple aspects have impacted my life as much as they have.

  

Keeping it all in perspective, this must be happening to many other people, not just me, and not just escorts.  For anybody who takes their career seriously, it no doubt takes a toll on their life in some way or other.  Maybe they sleep less, find themselves constantly wired to their blackberry, stuck commuting 2hrs every day for their jobs.  All these take a toll. How we deal with these stressors in our lives is extremely important.  Personally, I’d rather sacrifice my bed and sleep on a couch every night than commute 2hrs to work in traffic.  I honestly don’t think I would handle that stress well, not at all. Honestly I feel safer with my clients than I do driving on the 401, believe me or not. Think about it, I only have one person to deal with, while on the 401 you have thousands of people you have to deal with.  I can turn away the intoxicated with ease, but commuters have practically no control over their environment.  Good luck out there guys!  Glad I’m already home, safe and sound. Come to think of it, I’m really lucky to have an awesome way to spend the rush hour in the big city. I get to lay in bed, wrapped in my comfy sheets, making sweet love in whatever position I like, while at that same time, thousands are trapped in the Gardnier gridlock.  Poor souls.  I wish I realized this was an option sooner.  Its one of the small things that make this work so great at times. 

I suppose the point I’m trying to make is that while we all have work place stress, each job has different kinds, and how we react and deal with them can be interesting.   

I’m sure I’ve mentioned previously the obvious workplace stressors that escorts deal with (e.g. law enforcement, disease, violence, theft) but most people are unaware of the little things that actually have the biggest impact overall.  Personally, I’m glad I’ve noticed these small things about myself.  I’d be concerned if any job I did changed my behaviour too much.  I consider these 2 examples more quirky than worrisome.   Where I sleep doesn’t really matter as long as I’m getting enough sleep, particularly since I have to deal with bipolar disorder which so often denies me of sleep. 

Awwww....yes, it feels nice to have these thoughts hashed out. They all seem a little clearer to me now.  I wonder if there are many other small things I have yet to notice.  And if they will be good or bad for me?

After all, don’t we often find ourselves saying its the little things that matter the most?