The Rock Star From Mars

Charlie Sheen has been an interesting person to follow. He’s a very talented actor who possesses a passion for his work and play.  However, he’s also made some very poor decisions, hurting myself and others in the process. He’s riding a roller coaster.  But the name of that beast of a roller coaster isn’t known for sure. Some people suggest he has bipolar disorder and his wild ups and downs do strongly support this claim. 

However, his acknowledged struggle with substance abuse could also be responsible for his erratic behaviour.  Until he recovers from his addictions and lives clean and sober, mental health professionals will not be able to accurately assess his mental health. 

I’m reserving my judgment. I’m in no position to assess him. He’s just a guy I hear about on TV.   What do I really know about him in all honesty?  Yet, if what I’ve seen and heard about him is based on truth, my gut feeling is that he’s dealing with a co-morbidity of mental illness and substance abuse.  Its extremely common for many manic depressives to self-medicate. 

So why am I talking about Charlie Sheen tonight? 

Well, I’ve seen a lot of Charlie Sheen over the past few days.   The media has been building up a lot of hype over his characters death and replacement on ‘Two and a Half Men’. This had to be a sore-spot for him. He was one of the highest paid actors on TV, then in an instant he lost it all. Unemployed and unappreciated for acting out the truth as he saw it.  Bridges were burnt and names were called, never to be forgotten. 

In addition to the stress of the above event, he also made a show-stopping appearance on the Emmy awards, in front of the entire TV industry and common audience viewers alike, nearly the entire western world, dare I say.  That has to be an intense experience for someone, no matter what their status is.  

Finally, since events seem to naturally come in 3’s, he endured another assault - his Comedy Central Roast. I find these roasts to be intense, nasty and full of hits below the belt.  Many of his darkest moments were mocked publicly and I expect hard for him to discuss publicly.  But since each roaster ended with a hug it had to be taken in good humor, I’m sure...it must.  

      

Its not unusual for an actor to appear on TV for 3 big events in a row.  Its part of the business I expect.  However, I noticed something unusual about Charlie during this big week which concerns me.  Instead of the erratic, wild, unpredictable Charlie that people have become fascinated with (similar to how some enjoy watching a train wreck unfold in front of them), he was calm, cool and collected. He also appeared sincerely apologetic, resolved and wanting to make amends for his bad behaviour.  These are healthy actions in the grand scheme of things.  And probably necessary for him to heal his wounds. 

The thing that stands out to me is that these significant behavioural changes usually indicate a shift in thought process and a clearing of the conscious. At the Emmy’s he clearly wanted to end the dispute and any vindictiveness.  The following day, he watched his TV persona, Charlie Harper, brutally killed off, cursed through his eulogy, cremated and then replaced by another man.  Finally, that same evening he endured a brutal roasting of his life, both public and private moments, forcing him to re-live some of his darkest moments.  Incredibly, he did it all which such grace and acceptance. The beast was leashed, tamed and no longer had that wild look in his eyes.  This was a different Charlie standing before us.  

I have 2 conflicting explanations for this change - optimistic and pessimistic. 

Optimistically, it appears (to me) that he is no longer manic and seeking some professional help.  His public appearances, words spoken and well kept composure throughout this week felt like he wanted to turn over a new leaf and be a better person.  A transformation is happening and he wants to start fresh, both professionally and personally.  I really hope this is the case.  He needs to do this if he wants to re-establish his career, trust and respect from others. 

Pessimistically, I’m worried that he’s acting like someone who is seriously contemplating suicide.  The death of his TV persona, ironically being replaced by a suicidal character that same episode, is an intense experience to endure, which must of made him ponder his own mortality.  I can’t help but point out the foreshadowing I noticed as well.  Not just in the Two and a Half Men episode, but also during the roast when Seth McFarlane opened the show rather ominously, by comparing him with the late Amy Winehouse.  These events can practically convince someone struggling with depression, that its the right time to die.  All while hiding it behind a brave face. 

But what concerns me most, are the public apologies he made, the calm acceptance of his bad behaviour, and his making amendments to clear his conscious, that set off the warning bells for me.  If he is indeed bipolar, then his recent manic behaviour seems to have come to its conclusion. Most people would see this as a positive step, but sadly most suffering with bipolar disorder don’t simply shift to neutral.  Untreated, they frequently crash hard into depression.  Its incredibly devastating when you finally realize the mess you made of your life, the people you’ve hurt along the way.   If the depression goes unrecognized and untreated, complete despair can envelope you.  Suicide suddenly seems like a rational way to end the hell. It might be difficult for most people to understand, but once you decide that you’re going to kill yourself, a sense of relief finally overcomes you.  Its nice, a sign you made the right choice.  Nothing they say is going to bother you now.  Much like Charlie’s relaxed and accepting body language during the roast.  You say your good byes, make your apologies, and make peace with those you’ve hurt, e.g. his apology and well wishes at the Emmy’s.  The loose ends are tied up and now you can rest in peace. 

I know this vicious cycle, its behavioural pattern and its warning signs.  If I knew Charlie personally, I would be on his door step right now checking in on him, but I don’t, so I can’t.  Instead I find myself writing this blog for him.  It feels like the least I could do.

Anyway, I really really hope I’ve misinterpreted his actions this past week, but I can’t shake this unsettling feeling, obvious and eerie, that he’s headed for a bad place.  

I hope the rock star from Mars stays with us for a little while longer.