Coping with stress - the manly way

Stress management is one of the most important things that can be done to temper the impact of bipolar disorder (BD).  

I’ll quickly review a few key points here - people diagnosed with BD have a genetic tendency to overproduce the chemical hormones that are responsible for regulating stress.   This is why stress can trigger bipolar episodes (stress = hormonal imbalances = brain short-circuiting).  Anything that can reduce stress or help cope with stress would be therapeutic (e.g. may reduce frequency, severity, duration of episodes).  

Here are some common ways to reduce stress:

• eat a healthy diet
• exercise
• get 8 hrs sleep each night
• reduce intake of stimulants/depressants, e.g. drugs, alcohol, caffeine
• do not smoke
• pray, meditate, do yoga
• laugh, hug, smile more
• have sex
• other various things that you enjoy...

I’m sure you’ve heard it all before. Boring....moving right along...

I think I do pretty good preventing minor stress in my life. However, not all stress can be prevented (e.g. death, divorce, deceit) and has to be coped with in some way. It wasn’t until I was sitting in my doctors office this morning that it hit me. I have only ever used one method to deal with all the stress in my life, regardless of its nature. I have been trained to think like a scientist. Convinced that the best way to deal with stress was to always face it head on, discuss it, understand it, fix it. As I’ve come to discover, this is a great strategy for physical stress but not emotional stress.  I tried to fix every single emotional stress in my life by confronting, picking apart and forcing the issue. I was completely convinced this was the best and only way to do it. Whenever it didn’t work it was because the other person was obviously the problem, it was never me. I gotta laugh at it now.  Well fuck me.  No wonder so many episodes (not all severe) were triggered by fights with family/friends. I was blinded by my stubborn grandiose thoughts. 

I didn’t know any other way.  I kept forcing logical reasoning on emotional issues that were illogical. That makes a lot of sense.  Now I’m sitting in my GPs office, yes, the BSW is asking a man of science how to cope with emotional conflicts before she goes insane.  This is when the proverbial other shoe drops:  I don’t think my emotions developed in a healthy normal way, like an average child because I was bullied quite bad at school (gr. 7-12), and in a more subtler way by my father at home. I isolated myself from most people to avoid being picked on by the bullies. I built a wall around myself and didn’t make many friends. Its the reason I feel so comfortable being alone and am so independent. Its a fabulous combination of traits for a call girl. I think its another significant reason why I enjoy escorting.  

The irony of it is not lost on me. Men now pay hundreds of dollars for the privilege of spending an hour with me, but in high school I was constantly rejected. My escort work has been such a positive influence in my life. It builds self-esteem, confidence, positive body image and improving social skills. I wish more people could understand this wonderful side of prostitution. Its empowering.

Finally, FINALLY!, the full picture came into view. Until now I didn’t understand that these 2 things (1. constantly and inappropriately forcing a logical solution on an emotional problem; and 2. poorly-developed emotional/social skills) had such a strong impact on my ability (or should I say lacking ability ) to cope with emotional stress.

OMG, am I emotionally retarded?  Perhaps emotionally illiterate or stunted would be more appropriate. 

No wonder emotional stress always exacerbated my bipolar disorder. I have poor emotional development, lacking many of the coping strategies everybody else has.   Huh, how about that?! 

So now what?

I asked my GP some of the most basic questions that afternoon. How does he deal with emotional conflict? How does the average guy cope with a girlfriend in PMS? Honestly, I don’t know how to deal with these situations.   

He then explained to me how to think through emotional problems like a man, remembering only the letter ‘A’. 

There were 3 coping strategies: 1) Alcohol, 2) Avoid or 3) Accept.  

Apparently its just that simple. This could be the best advice I’ve ever been given in my entire life. 

Instead of trying to fix all the stress in my life, I need to learn when to just let it go before it drives me insane.  

Doctor’s orders. 

Yes, leave it to a manic depressive to declare she’s discovered the solution to the biggest problem in her life at 5am. Now I shall finish my wine in celebration. It is the first A in my new stress management program.

Welcome to my world!