By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only...
Haunted by ill angels only...
I’ve been having a very Edgar Allan Poe kind of week. A combination of nightmares, difficulty sleeping and over-indulging in TV shows with dark humor (e.g. Robot Chicken) or monsters (e.g. Face Off - Bad to the Bone/Episode 4).
My mood music has been all Metallica as of late. I’m not a huge metal head or anything, I prefer Fiona Apple or Amy Winehouse’s style of musical expression. But Metallica has so many songs that fit my dark mood its uncanny. I referred to the Black album previously, but the St. Anger album has several songs (e.g. ‘Some Kind of Monster’ and ‘Invisible Kid’) that could have been written for me. Makes me wonder where they found their inspiration to write such work.
I think heavy metal is largely misunderstood anyway. If people took the time to read and understand the lyrics they’d find significance, intelligence and deep meaning in there. Very comparable to the highly regarded poetry of Edgar Allan Poe or novels of Stephen King. Both Poe and King write dark and disturbing pieces but are widely accepted and appreciated by society. Encouraged even.
I find it confusing then that people reacted differently to my most recent dream. A few people have stated their worries, concern and pity about the dark images in my dreams. But how is it any different from reading and enjoying Poe’s poetry? A&E run non-stop episodes of Criminal Minds due to popular demand, and they delve into incredibly disturbing behaviors. Why doesn’t the audience leap from their couches, cry in outrage, demand the influences of satan be taken off TV for fear they will taint the children and send the writers off to the psychiatric hospital?
As long as people can maintain control and perceive the difference in reality and fantasy (in other words to become delusional or psychotic), is this honestly something to worry over, or should be medicated away? I’m not convinced. Let’s stay calm, try enjoying my entertainment value.
Its not wrong to explore the darker side of humanity. Its not healthy to restrict yourself to the lighter side. Peak through the rose garden, stroll down the path and just past the nursery you’ll find out where the wild things are, welcome to the jungle baby.
I’ve always felt very comfortable discussing the dark, disturbing, deathly. Ironically, growing up I have positive and comforting memories associated with the dark and macabre. I lived next to a cemetery and played in it for hours on end. I watched horror movies with my mom, she loved the classic horror genre. The first horror flick I can remember was my mother’s favorite - Night of the Living Dead. There were no parental controls or age restrictions on the movies my parents let me watch.
Being a scorpio my birthday is ominously close to Halloween. I’d have Halloween themed birthday parties where everybody came in costume. My birthday cake was decorated with black licorice and I loved it. Halloween was celebrated on the same scale as Christmas at my house. I was even born on a Wednesday.
Maybe now its starting to make more sense. My mood disorder, coupled with my childhood influences, has created an intriguing and unsettling form of expression. Maybe I should give writing a horror novel some serious consideration. I could do it between calls on my slow days or more fittingly, when I’m on my period for maximum effect.
.............
While I'm playing psychologist, it might be interesting to consider another angle: dream interpretation. Its widely accepted that dreams are how the unconscious mind attempts to make sense of the situations we are dealing with or struggling over. Taking the dream literally may be pointless. I have to read between the lines and interpret the symbolism at work.
While I have some belief in dream analysis, I don’t consider it an exact science by any means, take it with a grain of salt. Its usually good for a laugh if nothing else. So I googled dream interpretation, found a few dictionaries and searched the emotions, objects and people that really stood out in the dream. I pasted them below:
Feelings of:
Anxiety - To dream that you are experiencing some anxiety in some affair, is a reflection of what you may be feeling during your waking life. You may have repressed thoughts, unexpressed emotions, resentment, and hostility that are triggering your anxiety dream. This dream also denotes that you are disastrous mixing business with pleasure.
Despair - To dream that you are in despair, signifies that you will have many hardships and experience much cruelties in the working world. To dream that others are in despair, denotes that some friend or relative will be in great distress and find themselves in a unhappy situation.
Distress - To dream that you or others are in distress, represents worries and unhappiness in your waking life. Things will turn out better than you expected. You will find that your worries were unfounded. Perhaps the dream is telling you to lighten up.
Fear - To dream that you feel fear, indicates that your achievements will not be as successful as you had anticipated. You are experiencing anxieties in various aspects of your life. The key to overcoming your fear is to discuss them and deal with them openly. To dream that you worse fears are coming true, signifies your resistance to change. You are afraid to confront the unknown aspects of yourself.
Sadness - To dream that you are sad, suggests that you need to learn from your disappointments and just be happy. Try not to dwell on the negative. The dream may be a reflection of how you are feeling in your waking life.
Objects/Symbols:
Millipedes - To see a centipede/millipede in your dream, suggests that you are letting your fears and doubts hinder you from making progress and achieving your goals. You need to stop thinking negative thoughts. You are experiencing a major setback in life.
Bugs (in general) - To see a bug in your dream, suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxieties and/or fears. What is literally bugging you? Consider also the popular phrase "bitten by the bug" to imply your strong emotional ties or involvement to some activity/interest/hobby. Alternatively, the bug may be representative of your sexual thoughts.
Insects (in general) - To see insects in your dream, signify minor obstacles that you
must overcome. There are small problems and annoyances that need to be dealt with. You feel that you are under attack. Or something or someone may be "bugging" or pestering you. Alternatively, insects are also said to be symbolic of precision, alertness, and sensitivity. You may need to organize your thoughts and sort out your values. Sometimes they are seen as divine messengers.
Laboratory - To dream that you are in a laboratory, signifies that you are experimenting with your inner feelings, beliefs, and fears. You are testing yourself or some relationship. Alternatively, you may be going through some sort of transformation.
Prison/Imprisonment - To dream that you are in prison, signifies that you are being censored and not allowed to express yourself. misfortune will haunt you. To dream that someone else is in prison, signifies an aspect of yourself that you are unable to express freely.
Kidnapper - To dream of a kidnapper taking his victim, foretells of important changes in your life.
Killer - To dream of a killer represents the eradication of an important part of your emotional self. You may be at risk of losing who you truly are. A killer in dreams may also represent the opposite; a healing time in your life is about to begin. You have recently taken the opportunity to speak up for yourself and stand up for what you believe in. This will end a situation in a dramatic manner.
Relatives/Family - To see your relatives in your dream, signify family issues or feelings. They represent some aspect of your own self.
Necklace - To dream of a necklace symbolizes unmet needs and wants. It likewise emphasizes your intelligence and aspirations for greater authority and supremacy over others.
Station wagon - To dream of seeing or driving a station wagon reflects situations regarding your domestic life.
Funeral - To dream that you are attending someone else's funeral suggests that you are putting a past relationship where it belongs: in the past. You may be releasing negative emotions you've kept for so long.
Burial - To dream about a burial means that you have banished bad attitudes or behaviors and escaped from some negative condition.
So there are all the pieces of the puzzle, or as many as I could remember, that could be defined in the online dream dictionaries I consulted. How do I put all these pieces together into a clear picture? Is this all a waste of time? Should I just go to bed?
OK I see a theme of releasing repressed negative emotions, struggling with family issues, struggling with doubt, life setbacks, life changes, dramatic ending, transformation and healing.
I don’t know what to think about all this. It feels too general, too vague. I could apply those themes to most situations.
Maybe I’m trying to explain something that doesn’t make any sense to begin with.
Maybe I’m trying too hard.
Maybe I just need to let it go.
Maybe I should listen to Samuel L. Jackson and go the fuck to sleep.
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