Left Alone

I’m sure I’ve mentioned how much I appreciate the music of Fiona Apple before.  Scrolling down the side of my blog just now I see that I have some of her videos highlighted on this webpage of mine. Oh yeah, I remember doing that a few years ago now that I think of it ;)

Well I finally got to see her perform live here in Toronto this past summer. It was wonderful to see her live finally.  I went by myself.  

The reason I’m bringing up Fiona this evening is because I’ve found myself curled up on my couch, trying to settle down for bed, and in the usual process, listening to some of my favourite music.  I’m particularly fond of her song “Left Alone”.  It accurately sums up a key part of my character, a lyric in the song which I was startled when first heard, but upon reflection made so much sense.  People with mental health issues have a tendency to isolate themselves.  I hide away all the time.  It just seems easier that way.  I’m not sure why.  Maybe its not having to deal with others, explain my thoughts and actions to others, or just feeling at peace in my own way. I like being alone. I like this song. 

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“Left Alone”

And now I’m hard, too hard to know

I don’t cry when I’m sad anymore, no, no 

Tears calcify in my tummy

Fears coincide with the tow

How can I ask anyone to love me

When all I do is beg to be left alone?

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I know it might seem a little ironic to write this blog about wanting to be 'Left Alone' as follow up to the previous blog 'Let's Talk' but it makes total sense when you think about it from my perspective.  This blog is my way of reaching out to others. I'm alone but talking.  Its progress in my own way.