I’m not sure how I feel about keeping this blog. On one side, because my mind is often overactive, too reactive or ill-reactive, I have a constant urge to write down what I’m thinking. Writing is cathartic for me and it also helps me digest my thoughts. Its also an excellent way to keep track of my moods and behavior over a longer period of time. Its hard for me to self-assess at times when I’m mentally ill. Keeping an anonymous blog allows me to vent, release, record and also perhaps hear the opinion of a few followers which is always interesting, sometimes good, sometimes bad.
On the other hand, I want to remain anonymous due to the stigma attached to mental illness, and the very sensitive topics I am going to write about. If my family found out all the things I did I know they would be devastated. So if I can keep this blog - an honest blunt one about what its like to be a bipolar scorpio woman, while maintaining my privacy - I’d like to give it a go. I think it will be good for me.
Two of the heaviest burdens that I bear - one by choice, the other by chance - is that I have chosen to be an escort and that I am bipolar. Very few people know both of these things. So to write it out in black and white on a public blog is a very big step for me. I value my privacy and independence fiercely and never want that compromised. However, I have so many interesting things to talk about. I do want to make it clear from the beginning that this will not be a blog about escorting. Sure, I will discuss it in the grand scheme of things in my life, but it is not the primary objective of the blog, which is - my life as a bipolar scorpio woman (BSW).
So why did I choose this title? Funny story. I was in my doctor’s office one morning and I was discussing with him how many of the symptoms of bipolar disorder (e.g. the passion and intensity of the mania’s, the dramatic mood swings, deep dark depressions) are often listed as characteristics of scorpios as well, and that for most of my life I thought many of my unrecognized symptoms of my mood disorder (bipolar disorder is a mental illness that is classified as a mood disorder) was just me being a stereotypical scorpio. In my teen years I determined my full astrological profile and for those that may understand the significance my sun, mercury, venus, mars and neptune were all in scorpio! Then I thought just what an incredible person I must be, because it was like I have all these traits, but squared. Now that’s intense! I’m not sure if this is good or bad, but it is what it is. Being both bipolar and a scorpio can stir up some strong moods. Indeed it has brought me many great things in my life and also ruined many relationships and opportunities equally.
I looked at my doctor and jokingly said ‘Now that would be a great profile username for a dating site - Bipolar Scorpio Woman! How many hits do you think I would get?” We both burst out laughing. Too funny. Since I’m not on any online dating sites I thought that I would use the title for my blog instead.
I hope you enjoy what’s to come. - BSW
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