Sunday, 19 June 2011

3 steps to more enjoyable sex

I’ve gotten several emails this week from men wanting to book an appointment with me because they want to have sex with a woman who really enjoys it.  I should’ve expected this to happen and prepared a blog covering this topic in anticipation.  No matter, I’m doing it now while thoughts are still racing through my head from the email I just sent a potential client on this very subject.  
Let me say it clearly and for all to hear:
women can and do enjoy sex as much as men
However, it is more complicated to turn a woman on, many things will turn her off and there are times when its just not going to happen, so pick your time wisely.  Because of these numerous variables women tend to enjoy sex less than men, even though they are capable of enjoying it. The difference is subtle but important. 
I, BSW, am an incredibly sensual being. So many aspects of my life are centered around it. My disorder often makes me hypersexual, my zodiac sign is ruled by genitals, and I work as a call girl, so I’ve had lots of time to learn, experiment and practice.  I know a lot about sex.  But I haven’t learned it all. 
I have 3 lessons to offer men to help make sex more enjoyable for both partners. 
Lesson 1.  Foreplay
We all know that women are very different from men.  
Although men know that women are different, men insist on fucking women as if they were men.  
That right there is your problem.  Take a minute to let that sink in. 
Let me explain some of the differences just in case you were absent that day in school:

- Men are visual creatures who react easily to stimulation of a minimal number of the bodily senses (sight, touch, taste, hear, smell). Once aroused he is capable of reaching orgasm within minutes if the environment is receptive. 
- Women on the other hand require more indepth foreplay to become aroused - in other words you need to do things that stimulate more than one of her senses. The more senses stimulated the hornier she’ll get. 
Men make the first killer assumption here, early in foreplay. There is not enough effort put into foreplay.  He assumes that since his cock is now hard, she must be aroused as he is.  Time to fuck.  Sorry to say so boys, but its not time to fuck yet. Well, not if you want to fuck a woman who will really enjoy this particular session with you. Don’t skip over the foreplay and expect her panties to be soaked through. 

You need to put time and effort into foreplay to get her revved up. Target each sense somehow. Here are some suggestions:
  1. Visual - dim the lights, dress to impress her, clean/tidy the room
  2. Taste - sip on wine, nibble on chocolate, lick honey off something
  3. Feel - slowly caress her skin, massage; beard stubble hurts her soft skin, jagged fingernails are sharp
  4. Hear - R&B sets the mood, play her fav CD, tell her how wonder this moment is
  5. Smell - always freshen your breath if you want her to enjoy kissing you. Coffee gives you bad breath. Too much cologne is oppressive. Take a shower.  
I often ask clients to bring a bottle of wine if they feel so inclined. I’m not sure if they understand just how powerful sharing a bottle of wine with a lover is.  I don’t drink wine to get drunk, or to calm my nerves.  In the hands of the right man it is the ultimate aphrodisiac. I can tell how good a lover a man is by the way he drinks his wine. 
Drinking wine is a ritual, the pop of the cork, the clink of the glasses, the possibilities implied in the toast, the arousal of the senses with just one taste, wondering what those lips would taste like... it whets the appetite for what lies ahead.  I call tell how he’s going to touch my body the way he grips his glass. If he slowly sips and enjoys the drink, he’ll savor her that same way. Men who guzzle wine do not enjoy all it has to offer. He’s going to do the same with you. Guzzlers will not provide enjoyable sex. 
A good lover sees the same beauty in a bouquet of roses as the bad lover does. Upon seeing the one pleasing visual stimulus the bad lover is satisfied and leaves.  A good lover wants to fully enjoy the experience, so instead of moving on he stops to smell the roses, feel the delicacy of the petals, hear it rustle in the wind - that’s savoring beauty, that’s how to ensure both partners enjoy sex. 

For a woman to really enjoy sex she has to tap into and arouse her senses. Foreplay is crucial.  When she can relax, enjoy the food, drink and conversation without restraint, then she's going to enjoy being fucked by the man, as much as she enjoys chocolate. 
It takes longer and more effort to turn a woman on than a man. Men dedicate 20min to sex immediately after getting through the door and are confused when the poor girl can't reach orgasm.  If the man is abrupt, rushed, lazy or boring the sex will suck. No wonder she'd rather go to the spa and be massaged. That's why women don't enjoy sex.  We're very capable of enjoying sex like men do. But few partners care enough to make the extra effort when its so easy for them to cum. 
So fuck her like the woman she is, not the man you are.

Lesson 2. The little details are very important
There’s no right or wrong way to have sex. Everybody is different.  You just have to be observant, feel what she leans into or pulls away from, listen for a change in her breathing or moaning, feel when she’s wet and remember what you just did! 
Here’s a list of some things that can make/break her mood:
  • be confident, its sexy
  • accept your bodies as beautiful
  • be curious but respectful, ask first
  • be sober - be aware of how your penis reacts to drugs/alcohol
  • communicate
  • don’t assume things
  • go the bathroom if you have to, you’ll feel better
  • try new things
  • play with mirrors, I have a wall of mirrors in my bedroom
  • try new toys
  • talk dirty, or learn when to be quiet
  • have sexy undies, lingerie
  • turn down the phone, she is your priority 
Lesson 3.  Understanding her motivation
Men and women are very different, both physically and mentally.  Even if you know how to turn a woman on, her head still has to be in the game or its futile.  Men need to understand the reasons women have sex with men to make it better. 
  • Men fuck because they are horny due to their biological urge to procreate. 99% of the time this is a man’s motivating force
  • Women fuck for this same reason, but its not with the same frequency.  Probably 35% of the sex she has is because she’s horny.
  • Most of the time (65%) women fuck strategically, instead of pure pleasure.  Pussy is very powerful because there is a greater demand for sex then there is supply. If women were as horny as men there would be no prostitution or wives withholding sex to get their way because pussy would lose its superior value. 
  • If the woman is fucking for strategic purposes (e.g. earn money, secure her relationships, escape from a sticky situation, gain access/info, disarm a threat, manipulate a situation) its not going to be something that she really wants to be doing.  Sex can be used as a tool for women.  Men are usually so horny they’re oblivious or don’t care.  Its enjoyable to him, but to her its a job to execute, and real desire will be tempered because aspects of the situation need to be controlled and the goal kept in focus.   She needs to be convincing to be effective but she knows its too risky to fully give in. It won’t be her most enjoyable sex as she’s leashed to something more important. 
Don’t be discouraged though.  She’s probably not going to have her most enjoyable sex here because its work, not passion.  But if you recognize what’s happening, discover her motivation for having sex with you, you can re-gain some control and use it to get the most out of what she can offer. 
A simple example is the prostitute. She’s there for money and generally the more you have to offer her the more sexual acts can be done.  An intern, like Monica Lewinsky gratifies her boss for work place advancement, the more ambitious the better.  Your wife will do it so she can keep her marriage secure, probably no greek there. 
So if she’s not fucking because she’s horny, try to figure out why she’s really fucking you and then you have some power to push the sex to a higher level.  Its not going to be the intense passionate sex where both of you enjoy it fully and completely, but at least you can improve upon it. 
I hope those 3 topics help you out in some way. Sure, women can be confusing and manipulating, but men are equally lazy, selfish and ignorant.  You’ll get out of sex what you put into it. If you master foreplay, notice the little things, and find a partner who wants sex for the right reasons then it will be much more enjoyable for both of you. 
What are you waiting for? Go get the wine, dim the lights and grab the body butter. You’ve got some enjoyable sex ahead of you!